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Bill Hicks on Snooker
You ever sit around and see what's coming up on the news? Unbelievably depressing. This half hour, war, death, famine, AIDS, homeless, recession, depression, drought, flood, earthquake, riot and snooker highlights. Thank god... more

Ellen DeGeneres on Judging a Situation
You ever judge a situation and you're totally wrong you find out later? For instance I was in the grocery store. Last Tuesday. It was a couple of weeks ago. A few months ago. About a year ago but it happened, Okay? I was in the grocery store... more

Robin Williams on Golf
Go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't f***ing understand them before. You land in Scotland and they're going "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah? Sure. Oh, f*** sure, eh? Sure! Oh sure, you dumb f***ing b***ard." And you realize how drunk... more

Stewart Lee on Americans
Americans live in a state of ignorant, prelapsarian bliss. Because of that, it can be very relaxing to go to America and watch them. If you go to America and look at Americans in their natural habitat: the theme park, the shopping mall,... more

Jackie Mason on Jewish Athletes
Jew's want to think they're athletes maybe in this country there are Jewish athletes but in the United States there's no Jewish athletes. They never get involved in athletic activities. That's why when they check into the hotel... more

Dane Cook on Nascar Crashes
Best of the worst car accidents. They showed this one clip. Two cars go around the corner and they catch each other and start to roll and the tyre flies into the stands and hit's a woman in the face. And where you first saw it you where like... more