shopping Jokes

Home / All Tags / shopping

Listed in date submitted order.

Russell Peters on Louis Vuitton
Lets suppose there is a Louis Vuitton store. The Indian guy will walk past this Louis Vuitton store everyday of his life and will never step foot into it. "Like not even on their best sale will I be going in there. No thank you". Now Louis... more

Stewart Lee on Marketing Catholicism
Most jokes about religion, as I say, aren't about doctrine and dogma, they're about things like marketing. Catholicism, for example. I love the way that Catholicism combines a search for a profound spiritual truth in the universe,... more

George Carlin on Education
Its the new national pastime. f*** baseball. Its consumption. The only true lasting American value thats left. Buying things. Buying things. People spending money they dont have on things they don't need. Money they dont have... more

Dave Allen on Banks
Tell you what my pet hate in life is... Banks. I really do. I loathe banks as they stand now. When I was a young man you'd never borrow money. You might borrow a few quid from a few friends go and have a drink or go to the cinema or something... more

Stewart Lee - Worcester Travelodge
I was in Worcester a couple of months ago. I got caught overnight. I had to stay there against my will. I went into the Travelodge, the Worcester Travelodge. I said, Have you got any rooms available here tonight in the Worcester Travelodge?... more

Ellen DeGeneres - Your Ass Looks Fabulous
They've taken the mirror out of the dressing room. So you are forced to walk out to take a look at yourself. So they get another crack at you, to tell you, how you look. Cause you don't have opinions of your own. "That looks fabulous..."... more

Lewis Black on Starbucks
There sits a Starbucks and directly across the street from that exact same building as that Starbucks there is another Starbucks. There is a Starbucks across the street from another Starbucks. And ladies and gentleman that, is... more

Stewart Lee on Americans
Americans live in a state of ignorant, prelapsarian bliss. Because of that, it can be very relaxing to go to America and watch them. If you go to America and look at Americans in their natural habitat: the theme park, the shopping mall,... more

Stewart Lee on Woolworths Closing
You should have known when Woolworths and MFI and Zavvi all went down in the same week. If you're of a certain age, you probably have nostalgic memories of Woolworths. It probably means a lot to you. You used to go into Woolworths on... more

Denis Leary on Coffee Flavored Coffee
Is it impossible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee in this country any more? What happened with coffee? Did I miss a f***ing meeting with the coffee, huh? You can get every other flavour except coffee-flavoured coffee! They... more

Eddie Izzard on Supermarket Layouts
You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking this is a fresh shop, everything in here is fresh! I will do well here. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper and squeezy... more

Brian Regan on Cranberry Salesman
I don't know what the hell is going on with Cranberries but their getting in to all the other juices. Who ever the salesman is for Cranberries he's doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. Hey what have you got there Apples? Put... more

Bill Hicks on Flag Burning
That flag burning thing, god did that bring up some retarded emotions... The flag! The flag! They said we can burn the flag!!! they didn't say that, they said if a guy burns a flag he probably doesn't have to go to jail... For a f***ing... more