scottish Jokes

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Frankie Boyle on Television Being Faked
The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary... more

Frankie Boyle on Scotland
Scottish people aren't all that friendly are they I once saw an English guy in Glasgow trying to order a pint of lager and lime and the barman went: We don't do c***tails. They've got a good thing at Scottish football games where you're... more

Robin Williams on Golf
Go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't f***ing understand them before. You land in Scotland and they're going "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah? Sure. Oh, f*** sure, eh? Sure! Oh sure, you dumb f***ing b***ard." And you realize how drunk... more

Stewart Lee on William Wallace
Firstly, William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, he wasn't some noble savage living in a mud hut. He was a privileged, educated Nobleman, right? Secondly, its not mentioned in the film, but there's some evidence to suggest... more

Billy Connolly on Scottish Bunk Beds
When I was twelve, we went to Aberdeen. We went with a school. It was called fresh air fortnight. And it was a brilliant idea. The authorities of Glasgow took Glasgow school children to the countryside ostensibly into the clean air... more