relationship Jokes

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Dane Cook on Relationships (Brain Ninja) Part 1
You gotta find that right person and it is brutal, it really is, if you're in a relationship and you're with somebody awful, I call that a relations***. But it does happen. When you're with that person, you start arguing about nothing.... more

Dane Cook on Relationships (Brain Ninja) Part 2
Physically, I can show you when it's coming right now. This is the physical movement that's she's gonna give to you. You're saying "Dane, how do I know? How can I prepare myself?" Here's when it's gonna happen. During the argument... more

Dane Cook on Cheating
Recently, I was walking down the street and I see this couple. They're about eighty years old, okay. And they stop me on the street and they say 'Young man, will you please take a photo of my wife and myself?'. And I could just see that... more

Russell Peters on Dating a Porn Star
I'm single, I was actually dating a porn star. Here's what happened, I was a big fan of porn so I ended up dating a porno chick. Don't do that. It is not what you think it's going to be like, I mean it is what you think it's going to be like when... more

Robin Williams on Viagra
They've got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra. Grandpa can have wood again. "I don't need the walker!" I see that! And your grandmothers going s***! "I thought the war was over! Get me a tetanus shot, if you're gonna stick... more

Jack Dee on Couples Rowing
Rows in my house always start with the same words. (Jack's wife) "You're in a funny mood." Followed by a noise that's a bit like Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee. That's the sound of my asshole closing up. Followed by a kind of bedoop bedoop bedoop... more

Bill Hicks on Sex Phone Lines
I could never call one of those sex phone lines, that's amazing we've come to this point in our lives. To call sex phone lines. How embarrassing to call some strange woman, she's going "Ohh, you've got me sooooo hot. Your c*** is sooooo...... more

Roseanne Barr on Husbands
A lot of stuff bugs me about being married and a lot of stuff bugs me about husbands y'know. Like when they all the time wanna talk to ya. I hate that. He comes in and says "Roseanne. Don't you think we should talk about our sexual problems?"... more

Woody Allen the Group Analysis Reunion
Last year the group broke up. I get in the mail an engraved invitation. Class reunion. The old group analysis group, all the neurotics came back, all the nail bitters and bedwetters. It was a catered affair. It was a fabulous thing... more