political Jokes

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Listed in date submitted order.

Stewart Lee on Australians
Australians are very proud of being from Australia. It's an interesting country, Australia. In Australia it's illegal not to vote. Australia has a compulsory democracy. Bizarrely, it's compulsory to vote in a country where the... more

Sam Kinison on Being JFK
My favorite president, John F. Kennedy. Charming guy, great president. f***ed Marilyn Monroe. President of the United States and f***ed Marilyn Monroe. What do you want?! I know some people give him s*** about that, yeah like you... more

Bill Hicks the JFK Assassination
I love talking about Kennedy. I was just down in Dallas, Texas. y'know you can go down there to Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated. And you can actually go to the 6th floor of the Schoolbook Depository. It's a museum called:... more

Dave Chappelle on Celebrity Worship
I almost protested the war in the beginning. Almost. Till I saw what happened to them Dixie Chicks. I said, f*** that. If they'll do that to three white women they will tear my black ass to pieces. I don't wanna hear that s***. Yeah, man,... more

Dave Allen on Banks
Tell you what my pet hate in life is... Banks. I really do. I loathe banks as they stand now. When I was a young man you'd never borrow money. You might borrow a few quid from a few friends go and have a drink or go to the cinema or something... more

Dave Chappelle on Political Affiliations
White people do not like to talk about their political affiliations. It's a secret. You ever ask a white guy who they're voting for? Hey Bob, Bob, who you gonna vote for? "Dave, Dave whoa, whoa whoa whoa. Take it easy now. Take it easy.... more

Sarah Silverman - Not Enough Jewish Pornstars
They say, you know, strippers, they end up being in porn. It's like a gateway job to porn. I don't know. What you gonna do? I'd never do it. And I could if I wanted to I've been approached. If I did it would be purely, you know, for political... more

George Carlin on the Ruling Class
I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together. Things that point out our similarities instead of our differences, cause thats all you ever hear about in this country is our differences. Thats all the media and the politicians... more

Bill Hicks on Ronald Reagan
John Kennedy, murdered. Gandhi, murdered. Martin Luther King, murdered. Jesus, murdered. Reagan... wounded. Cancer eight times, no that f***er still walks doesn't he? That guy is Jason man. If you could take of that hockey mask... more

Robin Williams discusses Ronald Reagan
And at the top of the heap, there's Ronald Reagan with that look in his eyes like they're going to put swinging doors in congress. He's going to come through like... I'm back and I'm p***ed off! Don't you see he's got that look... Here's... more

Dave Chappelle on Voting
Even when I vote, which I don't but even when I think about who I would vote for I don't even look at their political policies, I just look at their character. You know what I'm saying now? You gotta read between the lines. Like you know... more