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Jack Dee on Tattoos
Tattoos get removed, for free, on the NHS (National Health Service, UK). Okay? No no no no bloody no. Not while I'm in charge, okay? You put them on, you take them off, alright? The most the NHS should offer, in this regard, is a crossing... more

Bill Hicks the Blue Dot
What is this titillation? I just don't get it, maybe I'm just this jaded Goat boy... I'll tell you a story, I'm walking around the West End (of London) and there's a bus full of f***ing tourists from Idaho. Coming out of their bus, bumped... more

George Carlin the All-Suicide Channel
Suicide is an interesting topic to me because it is an inherently interesting decision. To decide voluntarily not to exist any more. Its profound. You know what it is? Its the ultimate makeover. That's why I think it belongs on television.... more

Bill Hicks on Sex Phone Lines
I could never call one of those sex phone lines, that's amazing we've come to this point in our lives. To call sex phone lines. How embarrassing to call some strange woman, she's going "Ohh, you've got me sooooo hot. Your c*** is sooooo...... more

Dave Allen on Giving Up Smoking
I have given it up. I'm a heavy smoker. I use to even smoke in between smokes. I've given it up. Totally changed. The most extraordinary thing about giving up smoking, to non-smokers I'm a convert. I've come over. I've joined them.... more

Russell Peters - Start Beating Your Kids
I think one thing that separates immigrant families from the regular Canadian families you know. Does not matter where your parents are from, they weren't born in this country they will whoop your ass when you are growing up. It does... more

Dane Cook on Nascar Crashes
Best of the worst car accidents. They showed this one clip. Two cars go around the corner and they catch each other and start to roll and the tyre flies into the stands and hit's a woman in the face. And where you first saw it you where like... more

Bill Cosby - Children Are Truthful
People don't understand children, especially people who have no children. A person with no children say "Well I just love children". You say "Why?" And they say "Cause the child is so truthful. Children are truthful, that's what... more