jewish Jokes

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Russell Peters on Louis Vuitton
Lets suppose there is a Louis Vuitton store. The Indian guy will walk past this Louis Vuitton store everyday of his life and will never step foot into it. "Like not even on their best sale will I be going in there. No thank you". Now Louis... more

Sarah Silverman on Birth Control
I take birth control pills, cause I do a lot of f***ing. No, I take it to regulate my menstrual cycle and cause I do a lot of f***ing. It's so hormoney you know like I want some other kind of birth control, some other kind of contraception... more

Lenny Bruce on The Irish
The thing is, you have a choice of a judge or a jury. You're a smuck, if you ever take the judge, because the thing is you're going to tell him a story to convince him. What kind of s*** are you going to tell the judge that he hasn't already... more

Lewis Black on Religion
Was the earth created in seven days? No. For those of you who believe it was, for you Christians, let me tell you, that you do not understand the Jewish people. We Jews understand that it did not take place in seven days, and that's because... more

Sarah Silverman - Not Enough Jewish Pornstars
They say, you know, strippers, they end up being in porn. It's like a gateway job to porn. I don't know. What you gonna do? I'd never do it. And I could if I wanted to I've been approached. If I did it would be purely, you know, for political... more

Sarah Silverman - Jesus is Magic
I wear this saint Christopher medal sometimes because I'm Jewish but my boyfriend is Catholic and it was just cute the way he gave it to me, you know. He said if it doesnt burn through my skin it will protect me. Who cares. Different religions,... more

Jackie Mason on Jews in Israel
One of the main problems in this country (Israel) is trying to figure out who's a Jew. Every time some one wants to come in here if he claims he's a Jew you don't know if he's a Jew and it's a big disagreement in this whole country. How do... more

Jackie Mason on Bill Gates
You think more people are happy for Bill Gates or a little nauseous? Gentiles probably happy for him cause they never expected to get that rich. Gentile has a job, he's making a living, he's happy. But every Jew gets jealous cause every... more

Jackie Mason on Jewish Athletes
Jew's want to think they're athletes maybe in this country there are Jewish athletes but in the United States there's no Jewish athletes. They never get involved in athletic activities. That's why when they check into the hotel... more

Jackie Mason on Jewish Holidays
Miami beach you can tell is Jewish, you know why? Nothing moves on Miami beach. If there's a Jew on a vacation they're only looking for one thing, a place to sit... he sees a chair, it's a successful vacation. Jewish resorts are the only... more