health Jokes

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Listed in date submitted order.

Brian Regan on Hospitals - Part 1
I just recently had to go to the emergency room. I had some stomach virus thing. I almost called an ambulance. It's weird I mean considering calling an ambulance for yourself. Y'know. You call an ambulance for other people right?... more

Brian Regan on Hospitals - Part 2
Nurse finally comes in "How are you doing tonight?" "I'm on a gurney. Do you have a pain killer or something? This is killing me." So she goes "How would you describe your pain?" "It's killing me. I don't know if you remember that part.... more

Jack Dee on Tattoos
Tattoos get removed, for free, on the NHS (National Health Service, UK). Okay? No no no no bloody no. Not while I'm in charge, okay? You put them on, you take them off, alright? The most the NHS should offer, in this regard, is a crossing... more

Dave Allen on Irish Wakes
A very important part of the Irish way of life is death. See if anybody else anywhere else in the world dies that's the end of it they're dead but in Ireland when somebody dies we lay them out and watch them for a couple of days. It's called... more

Robin Williams on Alcohol
I had to stop drinking alcohol cause I use to wake up nude in my car with my keys in my ass! Not a good thing. "Hi, can I help you? No it's just flooded! I'll be OK!" Don't you see? You're sucked into thinking that beer is a healthy thing. Cause... more

Richard Pryor on Heart Attacks
No mutha f***er will ever admit they had a heart attack. No sir I never did, I had indigestion one time. Them mutha f***ers hurt! I don't care what anybody tells your ass. I was walking in the yard and something said... "Don't breath... more

Brian Regan on Working Out
I joined a health club. That's intimidating you always have some big giant guy showing you around. Hey you thinking of joining? Follow him... I felt like a little monkey... Where we going Thunder? They gave me a clipboard for my first... more