fighting Jokes

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Listed in date submitted order.

Dane Cook on Relationships (Brain Ninja) Part 1
You gotta find that right person and it is brutal, it really is, if you're in a relationship and you're with somebody awful, I call that a relations***. But it does happen. When you're with that person, you start arguing about nothing.... more

Dane Cook on Relationships (Brain Ninja) Part 2
Physically, I can show you when it's coming right now. This is the physical movement that's she's gonna give to you. You're saying "Dane, how do I know? How can I prepare myself?" Here's when it's gonna happen. During the argument... more

Russell Peters on Terrorist verses Indian
Last summer I had the renew my passport. In Canada on your new passport photo you're not allowed to smile, that's the rule. This is their way of fighting terrorism. This is how their going to catch the terrorist, you can't smile. That's... more

George Carlin on the Ruling Class
I'd like to talk about some things that bring us together. Things that point out our similarities instead of our differences, cause thats all you ever hear about in this country is our differences. Thats all the media and the politicians... more

Richard Pryor on Knives
Knives just make my heart go help! I don't even be cool with knives, they just chill me, I just go help! And mutha f***ers never stab you in real life like they do in the movies. You know in the movies they make it look like drama but if you... more

Dane Cook on Fiery Swimming Pools
What if you dove in the pool and while you where on the bottom freaking out some body poured oil on the surface and lit it on fire! Yeah and then you're like Ooooohhhhhhh, Ooooohhhhhhh, Ooooohhhhhhh!!! You got to keep swimming around... more