book Jokes

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Frankie Boyle on NY Freedom Tower
The Americans want to build a big tower on the site of September the 11th. Freedom Tower they're going to call it but now apparently they're worried and they're looking at ways to try and make it terrorist proof. I think they should... more

Lenny Bruce on Kids Sniffing Aeroplane Glue
There were kids eight or nine years old sniffing aeroplane glue, to get high on. These kids are responsible for turning musicians onto a lot of things they never knew about actually. So, I had a fantasy, how it happened. Kid is alone... more

Bill Hicks the Blue Dot
What is this titillation? I just don't get it, maybe I'm just this jaded Goat boy... I'll tell you a story, I'm walking around the West End (of London) and there's a bus full of f***ing tourists from Idaho. Coming out of their bus, bumped... more

Bill Hicks the JFK Assassination
I love talking about Kennedy. I was just down in Dallas, Texas. y'know you can go down there to Dealey Plaza where Kennedy was assassinated. And you can actually go to the 6th floor of the Schoolbook Depository. It's a museum called:... more

George Carlin on Education
Its the new national pastime. f*** baseball. Its consumption. The only true lasting American value thats left. Buying things. Buying things. People spending money they dont have on things they don't need. Money they dont have... more

Brian Regan on Reading
Reading is hard. You ever try that? I read good. Goodly. But I hate when you're trying to read something and you come across the expression 'One thing led to another'. What in the hell kind of lazy writing is that? Isn't that your job... more

George Carlin on Digital Purgatory
They have an application in the computer called Outlook or Contacts or Address Book or something like that. So they keep all the information in the computer, and they sync it up with their phone every day or every other day. So now instead... more

Stewart Lee - Worcester Travelodge
I was in Worcester a couple of months ago. I got caught overnight. I had to stay there against my will. I went into the Travelodge, the Worcester Travelodge. I said, Have you got any rooms available here tonight in the Worcester Travelodge?... more

Lewis Black on Religion
Was the earth created in seven days? No. For those of you who believe it was, for you Christians, let me tell you, that you do not understand the Jewish people. We Jews understand that it did not take place in seven days, and that's because... more

Bill Cosby on VW Beetles
Here comes a guy in a VW. Now it's bad enough that I have an eighteen thousand dollar car that will not go. But here comes a guy with a fourteen hundred dollar special super charged-up, radio, heater, white walled tires and blue book.... more

Jack Dee on Farts
You know I always assumed there would be a point when I would stop laughing at farts. It hasn't happened. I'm 35 years old and I haven't grow out of it. I was at a funeral 4 months ago and there was a quiet moment during the service for reflection... more

Jack Dee the Dogs' Teddy
I've got this dog that's 10 months old. Very sweet dog, lovely little puppy thing. You know what he likes to do? He likes to f*** teddies. That's endearing isn't it? Isn't that sweet? Ohh yes he likes to f*** a teddy from time to time.... more

Bill Hicks on Heathers Two Mommies
Have you heard about this? These new grade school books for children. To help explain to them the gay lifestyle. You know what I'm talking about? One of them is called Heathers two mommies, the other one, daddies... new... room-mate.... more

Stewart Lee on Race-based Errors
Scott says - in the guest book of Jimmy Hills website - I agree with Jimmys views that Britain is becoming no more a land which is populated by genuine British people born here. Please don't get me wrong, writes Scott. I am no Nazi or xenophobe,... more

Stewart Lee on Regressive Knowledge
Apparently the eighteenth century polymath, Thomas Young was the last person to read all the books published in his life time, that's means he would have read all the Shakespeare and all the Greek and Roman classics and all the theology... more

Stewart Lee discusses Dan Brown's Writing
The world of publishing is in crisis. It's no coincidence that the worst published writer in the world today is also one of the world's most successful writers... Dan Brown. Now Dan Brown is not a good writer, The Da Vinci Code is not... more

Bill Hicks on Jogging Books
Keith Richards out lives Jim Fix the jogging and heath nut... The plot thickens. Do you remember Jim Fix this human cipher, use to write books on jogging... Now what do you f***ing write about jogging? Right foot, left foot... Faster... more