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Firstly, William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, he wasn't some noble savage living in a mud hut. He was a privileged, educated Nobleman, right? Secondly, its not mentioned in the film, but there's some evidence to suggest that he actually fought as a mercenary for the English as a teenager. Thirdly, you know that French princess he's supposed to have sex with? The implication is that he gets her pregnant and she marries Edward II of England so its his kid. Now she was a real historical figure, that French princess. But at the time of the death of William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, she was only 4 years old. Now, Glasgow, Im not saying that William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, didn't have sex with her. You know, he probably did. If I look at my own background there's a lot of sexual opportunism involved. Im not saying he didn't have sex with her but if he did, and he definitely did, it would have been a far less romantic scene. Than the one enacted by Mel Gibson in the film Braveheart. It may have happened in a tent but it would still have been not a romantic scene. Because that would have made William Wallace, Braveheart, your national hero, a paedophile. A Scottish paedophile. The worst kind of paedophile that there is. Coming at you... through a bothy... With shortbread on its face. Muttering unintelligible sexual threats in a frankly incomprehensible dialect.
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Stewart Lee, 2005
Suggested by Imonster
58 Votes
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