Robin Williams on Viagra - Comedy-Quotes.com

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Show quote | Sign In to save your setting (remove disclaimer). Photo of Robin Williams They've got a drug to make you harder than Chinese algebra. Grandpa can have wood again. "I don't need the walker!" I see that! And your grandmothers going Shit! "I thought the war was over! Get me a tetanus shot, if you're gonna stick me with that rusty thing!" People have died on Viagra. They have to have the open coffin... "Oh, dear God, I don't remember Pete being like that. Kids, go get some horse shoes. He would've wanted it that way." You used to get that from some strange Chinese aphrodisiac. Like humming bird eyelash and rhino horn. To give you great masculinity. But now you're on Viagra. You are back! You are Franken-cock! You are the Inseminator! You are ready to go! You're gonna be going for one hour, one hour and a half! Guys are going Yeah! Women are going Uh-uh. Cause after the first hour, your wife's going: "Yay, oh, big daddy... Listen, I got shit to do, OK? Hello? ...Yeah, I'll be late today. Viagra, fucking... I'll try and get there. Go outside with that thing!" You can't go outside with a hard-on cause the cat just waits for you to go... And your dog is going, "Wow, you too?!" Can't go to work like Hey, Bob! "How're you, Pete?" I'm happy to be here today! Direct traffic, no, you can't do shit! You have to make it go away. You slap it. It's like one of those punch-me clowns. I'm not going anywhere! You have to finish it off. In the old days was... Now, after an hour and a half, you've got more semen than the Fifth Fleet. So, when you go, it's like... Oh, my eyes! And your wife goes: "Now you know how it feels, ass-hole!" Aim for the tits, Hawk Eye! I'm like a Lawn Boy! Get out! Save yourselves! Not the drapes! Too late... I own them now. You run out of semen and your testicles are going "We still got an erection, chief! Give me blood, give me urine, any fluid!" Oh, God, please make this fucking shit go away! You do every goofy, fucking orgasmic thing... Don't touch it! Don't look at it! Don't even think about it! And then you realize that God, gave you a penis and a brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time.
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