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I love New York City, the reason I live in New York City is it's the loudest city on the planet Earth. It's so loud I never have to listen to any of the shit that's going on in my head. It's really loud, they literally have guys come with Jack Hammers and they drill the streets and just leave Cones in front of your Apartment and you don't even know why. Garbage men come they don't even pick up the garbage they just bang the cans together. And if your streets too quiet they hire this guy who wanders around yelling FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME! That was the first job I ever had. And if your seeing a psychiatrist you're pissing money away all you have to do is fly to my city and get on a subway. Inevitably you'll be seated in front of some guy and he'll be playing with himself. And he'll be singing "Happy days are here again". And I gotta tell you where ever I see that guy... I feel a lot better about myself. I think Gee, I'm on the subway every day it never crossed my mind you could just pull out your Pesky and sing a song. I guess he was going to a pretty important meeting with that Briefcase... and just need to take the edge off.
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Lewis Black, 1999
Suggested by Ryan
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