Comedy-Quotes header

Sign In | Register | Suggest Quote | About | Site Map

Logo Comedy-Quotes.com

Home / George Carlin / Religion

Please note: This quote contains offensive content and is only available to view by individuals 18 years of age or older. By viewing I hereby certify that: I am at least 18 years of age and I do not find explicit content to be obscene or offensive in any way.
Show quote | Sign In to save your setting (remove disclaimer).
Photo of George CarlinIn the bullshit department, a business man can't hold a candle to a clergyman. Cause I gotta tell you thee truth folks, I gotta to tell you the truth, when it comes to bullshit. Big time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. Religion easily has to be the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day, and the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do and if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time... But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. He always needs money. He's all powerful, all perfect, all knowing and all wise, somehow he just can't handle money. Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story, h-o-l-y shit. I want you to know something, when it comes to believing in God I really tried, I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God who created each of us in his own image, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that but I gotta tell you the longer you live the more you look around, the more you realize something is fucked up, something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the ice-capades. Something is definitely wrong, this is not good work. If this is the best that God can do, I for one am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the type of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. Just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all powerful ass a long time ago. By the way, I say this guy because I firmly believe, looking at these results, if there is a God it has to be a man. No woman could, or would, fuck things up like this. So, if there is a god, I think most reasonable people agree that he's at least incompetent and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't give a shit. Which I admire in a person and which would explain a lot of these bad results. So rather than be just another mindless religious robot mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing in all of this is in the hands of some spooky, incompetent, father figure who doesn't give a shit.
Hide quote

George Carlin

Suggested by Bower

14 Votes

Related Videos

Religion Is Bullshit - George Carlin
10.00 mins.
www.youtube.com

George Carlin DVD's, Blu-Ray's and Downloads

Sign In | Register | Suggest Quote | About | Site Map

Logo Comedy-Quotes.com