Eddie Izzard the Death Star Canteen

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Show quote | Sign In to save your setting (remove disclaimer). Photo of Eddie Izzard But there must have been a Death Star canteen, a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill. I will have the Penne Alla Arrabiata. "You'll need a tray." Do you know who I am? "Do you know who I am?" This is not a game of Who The Fuck Are You? For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought. "You'll still need a tray." I will not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force, which is strong within me, even though I couId kill you with a tray, if I so wished. For I wouId hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen fIoor. "No, the food is hot, you need a tray to put the food on." Oh, I see. The food is hot? Sorry, I did not realise. "Tray for the..." Yes. I thought you were challenging me to the fight to the death. "Fight to the death? This is a canteen, I work here." Yes, but I am Vader. Lord Vader. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Darth Vader, Im Darth Vader, Sir Lord Vader, Sir Lord Darth Vader, Lord Darth Sir Lord Vader of Cheam, Sir Lord Baron von Vaderham. The Death Star, I run the Death Star. "What's the Death Star?" This is the Death Star! I run this star. "This is a star?" This is a fucking star, I run it! I'm your boss! "You're Mr Stevens?" Who is Mr Stevens? "He's Head of Catering." I am not Head of Catering! I am Vader, I can kill Catering with a thought! "What?" I can kill you all, I can kill me, just... I'll get a tray, fuck it. This ones wet, and this ones wet, and this ones wet. This one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet... Did you dry these in a rainforest? Why, with the power of the Death Star, do we not have a tray that is dry? No, I was here first. You have to queue if you want food. Can I have Penne Alla Arrabiata? That'd be nice. No, no, no - do you know who I am? "That's Geoff Vader, that is." I am not Geoff Vader, I am Darth Vader. What, Geoff Vader? Runs the Death Star? No, I run the Death Star. You Geoff Vader? No, I'm Darth Vader. Are you his brother? Could you get his autograph? No, I'm... All right, I'm Geoff Vader. Can I have your autograph? No. Fuck off! Or I'll kill you with a tray. Give me Penne Alla Arrabiata or die, and you, and everyone in this canteen. Death by tray it shall be.
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