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And I am sick and tired for New York City taking the blame for the crime problem. You know, whenever you read a fact chart, it always says Detroit leads the world in rape and murder and everything else, but New York takes the blame. "New York's a cesspool. It's a cesspool of filth and crime. We're moving." Hey! I just moved here four years ago, and I'm not leaving, because this is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! Yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City, come on! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the side walks, manhole covers blowing up, asbestos shooting into the sky. We had a subway crash here a couple of years ago. 5 people died. The next day they found the driver was drunk and hooked on crack. Folks, this makes Disneyland look like a fucking bike ride, doesn't it? "Your drive today is Edward. He's drunk and hooked on crack. The man sitting next to you has a loaded 9mm. Good luck, folks!" "Honey, get the camera! This is gonna be fucking great!" Yeah, I love living in New York, man and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! "I was in Vietnam." So what? I live in New York! "Really?" Yeah, because New York teaches you to live life the way it should be lived. Moment to moment. Yes, because every moment in New York could be your last. Oh yeah, yeah. You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself, drink free, drug free, looking forward to the future and somebody accidentally nudges their poodle off of a 75th floor ledge. [Bonk] And he's headed for the ground at a 175,000 miles per hour. And [cachunk] he's embedded in your head! You're dead on contact. The headline in The Post the next day reads, "Man killed by best friend." People cut the article out and they laugh about it at the office and you're forever remembered as the poodle man! "I knew the poodle man and he hated fucking poodles."
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Denis Leary
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