Brian Regan on Fig Newtons - Comedy-Quotes.com

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Photo of Brian Regan I don't know what to eat. My doctor told me to read food labels. So I was in the store the other day I was trying to read the Fig Newtons label, I've always liked them and I was trying to see if it was OK to eat em. Everything looked pretty good, the fat content and everything, so I'm thinking, I could eat these and I looked at the serving size... two cookies. Who the hell eats two cookies? I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve. Two sleeves is a serving size. I open up both and eat them like a tree chipper. Fig Newton shavings coming off the side. Then I put a Newton catcher and I empty that bag out as a snack. What the hell are they talking about two Fig Newtons, they're the size of a postage stamp. You want another one? "Ohh I don't know... I've already had two whole Fig Newtons. Maybe I could try to muscle one more down... I'm stuffed to the rafters." They're nuts. We got an ER here, we got a three Fig Newton eater. How many did he have? What is he nuts? Doesn't he read? Who's coming up with the serving sizes? A serving size of ice cream is a half a cup. What is that? Is that like a joke some guy put on there? "Hey come here. Look what I put for the serving size. Did Charlie see it? Charlie come here. Look what I put for the serving size. I just did it as a joke but it's going out like that.